I am not finding many fellow students who view Leo in the same light I. As I read the book I thought Leo was an actual person on the journey with the Legion, but by the end of the book that had changed. There were several passages that lead me to believe that the presents of Leo was a spiritual/subconscious presence representing the faithfulness of the followers and how they must grow in their spritiutality.

I thought it telling when in the book Leo disappeared: "Each participant in this unforgettable jouney had his own ideas as to what made our faithful Leo suddenly decide to leave us in the middle of the dangerous gorge of Morbio Inferiore" (pg. 37). Leo left during a dangerous time in the journey. It is easy for us to hold on to our faith in the good times, but we are tested when times are hard and the road to righteousness in dangerous. The author follows up this by stating, "It also seemed that this apparently incidental but in reality extremely important event, the disappearance of Leo, was in no way an accident, but a link in the chains of events through which the eternal enemy sought to bring disaster to our undertaking." (pg. 38) that he recognizes that this Leo left during a time when the enemy was busy and aiming for a disastrous outcome and what would be worse than to get the faithful of their righteous paths.
The followers did not know what happened to Leo, but it was clear that it was a spiritual loss by the following passage, "The longer we looked for him and the more our hopes of finding him again dwindled during the course of the day, the more were we oppressed by the thought that it was not only the question of a popular, pleasant man amongst out servants who had either met with an accident or run away or had been captured by an enemy, but that this was the beginning of trouble, the first indication of a storm which would break over us." (pg. 38) In this passage I felt that the travelers knew that the loss of their faith was the first step of many off of the path of righteousness.

As time went past the loss of faith continued to take its toll on the travelers supported by the passage, "The stronger these feelings became, the clearer it seemed to me that it was not only that I had lost faith in finding Leo again, but everything was threatened: our comradeship, our faith, our vow, our Journey to the East, our whole life." The author states that "these feelings" were getting stronger - what feelings is he referring to? I feel his is referring to the loss of faith and Leo is that faith his feelings on a conscious level.

After a time in this dark place, the author feels the need to recapture this lost faith and fulfillment, he states, "I either had to write the book or be reduced to despair; it was the only means of saving me from nothingness, chaos, and suicide." (pg. 57) as the author wrote his book or as I see it reflecting on his life, which he states was necessary he keeps coming back to Leo who according to the (therapist ?) "seems to be an obstacle in your way" (pg. 58), and advises his go and find Leo. The author struggles inwardly and is looking forward to gaining what was lost so many years ago, he states, "I went to Seilergrabrn frequently, twenty time or more, at what I thought were favorable times..." (pg. 64). The author is opening and preparing his heart to accept all that was lost and is feeling cheery and optimistic about the encounter he is sure will happen.

I am going to skip to the part of the book after he meets with Leo and is discouraged because Leo doesn't recognize him to where I feel he goes through the process of statement, enlightenment, and forgiveness.
After the authors meeting with Leo he states, " I remained alone, foolish, with my head bent. I had lost the game. he did not know me; he did not want to know me he made fun of me." (pg. 77). He describe how he has felt without Leo in the past and during the times off of the righteous path, "During such periods of despair it seemed to me as it I. a lost pilgrim, had reached the extreme edge of the world, and there was nothing left for me to do but to satisfy my last desire, to let myself fall from the edge of the worlds into the void- to death" (pg. 77).

On the way to meet with the high council the author admires Leo demeanor while failing to experience even that journey himself. He is focused on the outward appearance, he states, "As I did many years ago when I watched him and the way he walked, I had to admire him as a good and perfect servant." Even though he admired Leo and wanted to be like him he did not choose to follow his lead, but instead he was impatient and ignored the lead Leo provided, "And so the route that Leo took seemed, in my impatience, intolerably long, for I had to follow my guide formore than two hours by way of the strangest and seemingly most capricious detours. Leo kept me waiting twice in front of a church in which he went to pray. For a long time that seemed endless to me, he remained meditating and absorbed in front of an old town hall, and told me about its foundation in the fifteenth century by a famous member of the League" (pg. 84).
There are many who separate themselves from their church and go through times when they deny that they Lord even exist. Those that are hurt often question why would God let bad or hurtful things happen to them. The author relates his fall this way, "That the most serious of my sins, even my illusion that the League no longer existed ..." (Pg. 100). Remember throughout this section of the book the author is called the SELF-ACCUSER, which leads me to believe this is an inward reflection. Fortunately, the author was not only given forgiveness but is also given insight, Leo informs him, "later you will have insight to your errors and you will also be shown how to avoid them in the future" (pg. 102).

Enlightenment comes at the end of the book when the author finds what's under his name. This explains where he has been, where he has been all of these years and how he should grown in the future.

"It contained nothing but a figure, a old worn-looking model made from wood or wax, in pale colors. It appeared to be a kind of deity or barbaric idol. (I feel this is Leo prior to knowing the Lord) At first it seemed entirely incomprehensible to me." Once the author lit the candle and was more enlightened he saw that it was him with more light, and in the end. "It (the figure) represented a figure which was myself, and this likeness of myself was unpleasantly weak and half-real; it had blurred features, and in its whole expression there was something unstable, weak, dying or wishing to die, and looked rather like a piece of sculpture.....I began to realize who it resembled, namely, the servant and President Leo, ... I now saw the double figure representing Leo and myself, nor only becoming clearer and each image more alike, but I also saw that the surface of the figure was transparent and that one could look inside as one can look through the glass or a bottle or vase. Inside the figures ...smooth but continuous flowing or melting; indeed, something melted or poured across from my image was in the process of adding to and flowing into Leo's, nourishing and strengthening it." (pgs 114-117)

The most important part and what I have been leading to: "It seemed that, in time, all the substance from one image would flow into the other and only one would remain: Leo. He must grow and I must disappear."

I can't tell you how this last statement resonated with me, because in my life Leo is Christ and I must disappear, shed my worldly wants and needs to grow in Christ until my life is one of righteousness.

Do you agree with my accessment of who Leo is in all of our lives?